Karma is a Bitch (I'm over half a bottle in, folks)

I'm having a worse day than you. Unless you're dying or in the third world. What I'm having now is some serious first world problems: I lost my cellphone. I lost my key ring. Not at the same time? Oh no, that would be too easy. I could get over that heap of worry and inconvenience. No No. I lost them both on the same day, but separated by about nine hours. Needless to say, life has given me lemons.

What do you do in this case? My solution: double fisting.

Fuck today.